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The Wahttehhog Organization

Saturday, May 06, 2006

A Modest Proposal

In light of the recent disrespect thrown towards games, gamers, and amongst gamers, I'm proposing a proposal that will solve all our problems. I propose gaming becomes a religion. Here art the commandments, given to me directly from the LORD (Shigeru Miyamoto.)

1. Shigeru Miyamoto is your god. No, he wasn't the first, but he's the best. From a Greek point of view, he's like Zeus, and people like Nolan Bushnell are the Titans. They may have come first, but now they are damned to programming Chucky Cheese games in designer Tartarus. Anything the LORD Shigeru says should be regarded with the utmost reverence and respect, (if you can't understand the Japanese he speaks, just assume he's saying "Mario is Wii" over and over.)

2. The Triforce is our equivalent to the cross. Regard it with reverence. Scrawl it on walls, ceilings, buildings, books, whatever. Others must see the light.

3. Jack Thompson, Hilary Clinton, Joe Lieberman, and co. are the Devil and his fallen angels. At every battleground, chat room, BBS, thicket, and crossroads we will fight them with all our might.

4. Anyone found to be cheating, h4xx0ring, standbying, being annoying, racist, etc. will be excommunicated immediatly.

5. I'm the pope. I get the biggest hat. Kiss my ring.

6. Nintendo is your idol. Regardless of their current business practices, eccentricites, and terrible product names, you will never criticize them, ever. Their early and lasting contribution to the gaming world is astronomical and impossible to correctly calculate.

7. Treat your controller as you would treat your significant other. Always touch it with a tender hand, and never abuse it, ever.

8: If your controller has died, it is suitable to wear it on your person, around your waist preferably. You must perform the operations to convert it yourself. Remember: Any hipster can buy a controller belt, but making your fallen hero into one yourself is a labor of love.

9. Every gamer is to make a pilgimage to E3 at some point in their lives. Otherwise they may never enter gaming Heaven.

10. "GePhoria" is a bad religion led by false prophets who desire only to extort the masses. Do not believe their lies.

11. Strategy guides are for pansies.

12. If you or someone you love is addicted to an MMORPG, do everything in your power to help them. Remember: Winners don't do drugs. If you find your loved one on "Evercrack" get them to rehab, immediatly.

13. In our system of Numerology, the following numbers are sacred: 0, 1, 3.14, 8, 16, 35, 42, 64, 99, 128, 200, 255, 314, 512, TCP/IP 666, RAM, 3.2 Ghz, 1337

14. All members must learn the 31337 language, as sermons will be conducted in it.

15. Caffeine is mana from Heaven. When in doubt, consume it and the path will be illuminated (kind of like in Dragon's Lair)

That is all for now, stand by for more from your prophet, Ryan.

42 Comments:

  • Wow.

    By Blogger Wahttehhog Pete, at 9:33 PM  

  • Quote directly from Ryan's post:

    "4. Anyone found to be cheating, h4xx0ring, standbying, being annoying, racist, etc. will be excommunicated immediatly."

    WHAT???!!2, H4XX0RING?? That defies the very basis of my life and work! Mods and h4xes are total pwnage, and if you can't perform a basic mod, YOU ARE A N00B.

    Ryan, I suggest you alter that sentence to clearly define this.

    By Blogger Reyals Bemus, at 9:46 PM  

  • What I mean by h4xxoring is specific use of a modification to give an unfair advantage in a multiplayer game. Hacking software for non-cheating purposes is cool.

    By Blogger Marquis de Suave, at 10:01 PM  

  • Explanation for #13: 0 and 1 are the digits of binary, Pi is just a cool number, 8 16 32 128 256 512 are all increments of memory, Nintendo 64, 99 200 were amounts of Rupees, 42 is the answer to life, the universe, and everything, 314 was the second largest Nintendo 64 cart ever made, TCP/IP 666 was the IP port used by Doom multiplayer games, RAM, 3.2 Ghz, and 1337 are self-explanatory.

    By Blogger Marquis de Suave, at 10:09 PM  

  • sign me up big hat

    By Blogger [wthg}jondrunken master, at 10:16 PM  

  • im working on my ps2 controller belt(it has been broken for some time)but discovered i need to melt the back.

    By Blogger [wthg}jondrunken master, at 11:22 PM  

  • Incredible...

    That's what IGN said about New Super Mario Bros. for the DS. It got a 9.5 meaning that I have to buy it. I was actually going to anyway, but now I've reaffirmed it. This may be the symbol of Nintendo's rebirth as the gaming ruler.

    Mario = The beginning of awesome

    By Blogger -|WTH|-AA7, at 8:00 AM  

  • Wow, if you look at our Archives section in the sidebar (of this blog), you'll notice that you've cycled through an entire year since this blog was created.

    Also, I added another section (under the Sans-Culottes Series section) that has links and stuff for the "1337er Than You" official Wahttehhog podcast.

    By Blogger Reyals Bemus, at 10:13 AM  

  • Oh shit, I'm way overdue for another newsletter.

    Whatever, I've got way too much stuff I'm already doing for the Wahttehhog and other stuff.

    By Blogger Reyals Bemus, at 10:18 AM  

  • Cool, we're an organization now. We're not going to be a .org, are we? I still like .net.

    By Blogger -|WTH|-AA7, at 10:37 AM  

  • .org is only given to non-profit organizations. Last I checked, we weren't non-profit.

    By Blogger Marquis de Suave, at 12:51 PM  

  • We are an organization by definition, but we do intend to make money in the future.

    Ryan, you said we weren't non-profit. How so?

    By Blogger Reyals Bemus, at 1:06 PM  

  • Well, we're probably going to make money for our own use at some point.

    By Blogger Marquis de Suave, at 1:08 PM  

  • You'd think that the post/comment rate would go down as the weather gets nicer...

    By Blogger Wahttehhog Pete, at 7:14 PM  

  • The "post/comment rate" had gone down at one point (as you pointed out to Austin and I), but I have observed that it has suddenly increased.

    By Blogger -=WTH=-Mod Clay, at 7:31 PM  

  • That's what I just said.

    By Blogger Wahttehhog Pete, at 8:00 PM  

  • We need something liek a comments/per-day counter. See what they record could be.

    I think the record for the most main posts in a single day is four. That was an awesome day. We just posted right over each other all day long.

    What's truly funny about that day was that everybody was trying to publish a serious post, but then would be shoved below another post within liek an hour.

    By Blogger Reyals Bemus, at 9:02 PM  

  • Hey Matt, how's that Halo.Bungie.Org thing working out? Does it mean that our video is automatically in?

    By Blogger -|WTH|-AA7, at 2:23 PM  

  • Like our video isn't in anyway?

    By Blogger Marquis de Suave, at 2:47 PM  

  • Halo 3 announcement trailer is out.

    By Blogger Wahttehhog Pete, at 4:00 PM  

  • Care to provide any links??

    By Blogger Reyals Bemus, at 6:34 PM  

  • IGN.com is the place to look im feelin sick as a dog but after viewing the trailer for halo 3, the mgs4 trailer, and the w!! trailer i feel semi rejuvinated.Now to make the effort to get a JOB (said with an invader zim like disgust voice)so expensive this habbit is.i missed e3 last night >_< i want to be there.

    By Blogger [wthg}jondrunken master, at 1:11 PM  

  • I meant the new series.

    By Blogger -|WTH|-AA7, at 4:29 PM  

  • Bungie.net is the real place to look.

    By Blogger Wahttehhog Pete, at 6:31 PM  

  • Yeah dude, I'm with Pete. Bungie is definitely the only place to look.

    First off, IGN is just a barrel of gaming stupidity in the form of a website. IGN offers this new "Halo 3 Trailer" in low-res for non-subscribers, yet Bungie (with their much faster servers) offers the high and low for everybody.

    By Blogger Reyals Bemus, at 6:36 PM  

  • You guys don't even know this yet, but this blog is about to get some extreme modifications to it's looks.

    By Blogger Reyals Bemus, at 7:00 PM  

  • Looks great, Matt!

    By Blogger Wahttehhog Pete, at 7:03 PM  

  • I'm still working on it, and this is just in its really basic stages. It'll be a lot cooler in a while.

    By Blogger Reyals Bemus, at 8:53 PM  

  • Did you take that pic from the Halo 3 trailer? Looking good.

    By Blogger -|WTH|-AA7, at 6:11 PM  

  • Obviously, Austin.

    By Blogger Wahttehhog Pete, at 7:21 PM  

  • GEARS OF WAR omg it looks great....
    same goes for dead rising and wii this e3 was great.ps3 can go to he;; i dont like the ps2 enough to buy it and mgs4 just isnt enough.andthe new super smash bros brawl looks great i dont know how they got snake but they did.If you decide to complain about the ps3 hatein i dont care.any other comments on games feel free to talk.

    By Blogger [wthg}jondrunken master, at 4:48 PM  

  • "MGS4 JUST ISN'T ENOUGH????"

    It's too bad you feel that way.

    -----

    Anyways, Ryan and I have published Ep. 2 of "1337er Than You". Go check it out.

    By Blogger Reyals Bemus, at 5:43 PM  

  • O.K. I did a Photoshop of the H3 Chief and threw him into the blog header as well.

    By Blogger Reyals Bemus, at 6:03 PM  

  • Cool, I'm liking it.

    I agree with Jon. I don't think that MGS4 is the pushpoint for a PS3. I don't really see anything else for the PS3 either. That is not enough to justify $600 or 500$. I don't know enough about FF XVIII to use that as a point to buy the PS3.

    By Blogger -|WTH|-AA7, at 5:58 PM  

  • The $ should be before the 500.

    By Blogger -|WTH|-AA7, at 5:59 PM  

  • I hope that Sony will finally pay for refusing to innovate.

    By Blogger Wahttehhog Pete, at 6:24 PM  

  • Skype announced yesterday that people in the U.S. and Canada will be able to make free calls to traditional landlines and mobile phones in those countries, through the company's SkypeOut service!

    By Blogger Wahttehhog Pete, at 6:59 PM  

  • What happened to Andy and Hayden's names on the bar?

    By Blogger -|WTH|-AA7, at 9:04 PM  

  • Ryan and I consulted each other and decided that they were not participating in nearly enough clan events. They've been booted.

    By Blogger Reyals Bemus, at 11:34 AM  

  • Ryan i still cant believe you cant go to anime boston.

    By Blogger [wthg}jondrunken master, at 3:54 PM  

  • I know, right.

    By Blogger Reyals Bemus, at 10:20 AM  

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