A Modest Proposal

In light of the recent disrespect thrown towards games, gamers, and amongst gamers, I'm proposing a proposal that will solve all our problems. I propose gaming becomes a religion. Here art the commandments, given to me directly from the LORD (Shigeru Miyamoto.)

1. Shigeru Miyamoto is your god. No, he wasn't the first, but he's the best. From a Greek point of view, he's like Zeus, and people like Nolan Bushnell are the Titans. They may have come first, but now they are damned to programming Chucky Cheese games in designer Tartarus. Anything the LORD Shigeru says should be regarded with the utmost reverence and respect, (if you can't understand the Japanese he speaks, just assume he's saying "Mario is Wii" over and over.)

2. The Triforce is our equivalent to the cross. Regard it with reverence. Scrawl it on walls, ceilings, buildings, books, whatever. Others must see the light.

3. Jack Thompson, Hilary Clinton, Joe Lieberman, and co. are the Devil and his fallen angels. At every battleground, chat room, BBS, thicket, and crossroads we will fight them with all our might.

4. Anyone found to be cheating, h4xx0ring, standbying, being annoying, racist, etc. will be excommunicated immediatly.

5. I'm the pope. I get the biggest hat. Kiss my ring.

6. Nintendo is your idol. Regardless of their current business practices, eccentricites, and terrible product names, you will never criticize them, ever. Their early and lasting contribution to the gaming world is astronomical and impossible to correctly calculate.

7. Treat your controller as you would treat your significant other. Always touch it with a tender hand, and never abuse it, ever.

8: If your controller has died, it is suitable to wear it on your person, around your waist preferably. You must perform the operations to convert it yourself. Remember: Any hipster can buy a controller belt, but making your fallen hero into one yourself is a labor of love.

9. Every gamer is to make a pilgimage to E3 at some point in their lives. Otherwise they may never enter gaming Heaven.

10. "GePhoria" is a bad religion led by false prophets who desire only to extort the masses. Do not believe their lies.

11. Strategy guides are for pansies.

12. If you or someone you love is addicted to an MMORPG, do everything in your power to help them. Remember: Winners don't do drugs. If you find your loved one on "Evercrack" get them to rehab, immediatly.

13. In our system of Numerology, the following numbers are sacred: 0, 1, 3.14, 8, 16, 35, 42, 64, 99, 128, 200, 255, 314, 512, TCP/IP 666, RAM, 3.2 Ghz, 1337

14. All members must learn the 31337 language, as sermons will be conducted in it.

15. Caffeine is mana from Heaven. When in doubt, consume it and the path will be illuminated (kind of like in Dragon's Lair)

That is all for now, stand by for more from your prophet, Ryan.